The socially lethargic club (SLC)

The social shadows. We are there, yet we are not. We exist, yet we seem one-dimensional..

Saturday, November 18, 2006

I don't want to leave the house

I haven't quite worked out why - I have no interest in socialising; I just dont want to. I find these things a chore and I just want to sleep, or be somewhere else. I think I really am socially lethargic, and I don't bloody know why. Mind you I don't find the idea of cooped up at home derepssing at all - I have stuff to keep myself busy, be it watching infomercials, teaching the cat to recite shakespeare (alright, a slight exaggeration, I just taught her to shake hands) I seem to derive the same amount of enjoyment out of being out with people, anyway. So what's the point of going out when I can have a perfectly good time at home?

67 Comments:

At 3:31 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

i used to be a very popular person, i was the manager of one of the most popular clubs where i live, but the last few years i just lock myself up in the house, sometimes for weeks, when people knock on my door i act like i'm not at home, i don't pick up my phone,i don't go out for groceries i just order in, and when i order in i'm scared that people will see me when the delivery man comes to to the door,i just like sleeping and watching tv, i have already lost a lot of friends, i cannot go on living like this.What's wrong with me.

 
At 5:44 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

same here, i used to always go out and socialize, now it's a last ditch effort when i need food or cigs or dog food. i don't even get to the post office but 2x a month and have to pry the stack of mail out of the box. i do everything else on line. i don't want to visit i don't want visitors, i just stay home take care of my dogs, cook, housework and computer, what is wrong with me????

 
At 8:41 AM, Blogger BriarsHeart said...

I found this blog looking for that title. I'm in serious trouble because I can't muster enough consistent effort in leaving my apartment and doing the stuff I need to do, like attend classes and go to work.
It's a serious problem, and I'm seeing counselors for it. But it doesn't really help because I'm so isolated that it's easy to ... encourage further isolation.
^_^'
It's nice to find somewhere where people feel the same.

 
At 1:58 PM, Anonymous Taylor said...

Has anyone found a solution to this yet? I even start to feel dread HOURS before I have to leave the house - even if it's for something entertaining!

 
At 10:34 AM, Blogger krankheit said...

I have this issue as well. What I believe I have to do and what works for me is to just live with it; live with the energy. Instead of staying home and thinking about 'my anxiety getting worse', I try to see it as the opportunity for courage to arise. Courage is not something you build up when you're alone; it COMES from the experience of facing these things in the outside world. Traditionally I haven't been in the habit of facing situations head on. I've always been in the habit of standing behind my parents, or my friends, as I used to seek friends that had strength, 'stronger than me'. The thing in my opinion to NOT do is just to wish it all away. Whenever you meet someone there is always the chance that they will hurt you. It will always happen. I find that I can stay with my friend Rachel all day, and then start worrying about 'my anxiety' when I go shopping. Why? Because there's more chance of them hurting me, just because I don't know them? Why? And any pains that they could inflict, any discomfort, should that not by nature be very shallow discomfort? It is. The delivery guys always feel a bit weird approaching your house; remember that. It's your house. They feel weird and you feel stable. And has anyone noticed, that anxiety grows by "worrying about anxiety?" ? For me being around other people comfortably just takes practice, practice, practice. Go outside and just sit, look right at how different you feel.

~K

 
At 10:41 AM, Blogger krankheit said...

One more thing. Please don't take xanax! Or any benzodiazepines. If you do I bet you will find that your anxiety will get better, and then in a few months, years, get drastically worse. It happened to me; I've also seen it happen a lot. If you are taking them, and want to stop, please go to http://theroadback.org. Be well.

 
At 10:20 AM, Blogger Jason said...

i saw the answer to this blog at the bottom by k... but let me explain my situation. I am 15... i was at the peak of my social excitement, chilling with people every day, having a blast at the beach and all, and partying everynight all night behind my parents backs... long story short i got caught and got grounded for the past week where i was kinda on house arrest. Today is my first day ungrounded and i am finding my self not wanting to do anything... i tried taking a little walk but it just gave me a headache i am still dealing with. I have plenty of friends i could be hanging out with right now but like one of the people said i have this feeling like "if i am perfectly content with staying inside watching 24 all day and going on the computer, why even bother going outside and waisting my energy doing something i probably wont even enjoy as much as relaxing like i am right now." I want to be better... this has happened several, several times before. i am on the verge of depression but im just not quite there... and i dont think i will be, this is something different

 
At 4:04 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

i just do not want to leave my flat..i have put a lot of weight on,and hate the way i look, i know i should go out,and i even order my food online now.
its mad because i know i need to go out and walk,as i have angina and i am obese,but i just dont want to,and then i spend all day worrying about why i am like this

 
At 4:26 PM, Blogger Purdy said...

i used to have a life and it was a good life, I enjoyed friends family, learning new things. my life is gone. i dont wanna leave my house. i need to find a way to fix me, so i can live again. I miss the joy i used to have for life. Now I look forward to nothing,I live in a void.

 
At 12:28 PM, Blogger Reiko Fernandez said...

Same here. I was never exactly social, always opting to stay inside rather than hanging out with friends and so on. Most of my interests-- like reading, writing, painting, and drawing (both digitally and traditionally)-- are done at home. STILL, I was at least somewhat sociable. I still hung out, though not often, or at least took the time to call my friends or just take a walk outside. I don't know how things got so bad for me, but they did. I'm currently 18, and I rarely see the sun anymore. I probably go out once a week, usually by coercion. Twice if I'm unlucky and my sister or Mom drags me out. I don't want to take a step outside. It doesn't matter what it's to do. Whenever I have to leave my house, I feel such apprehension. I end up stalling for ages so that I won't leave. I've pretty much cut off all contact with my friends because I'm far too ashamed to let anyone see me as I am now. Sometimes I honestly feel like I'd rather die than go outside. It's so bad and it's so unbelievably depressing. I mean, staying at home isn't depressing at all. I can easily find ways to occupy and entertain myself. My hobbies and interests are home bound anyway. It's when I start thinking about the outside world, a world that is going on without me, and start thinking about the rut I've lodged myself in and how impossible it seems to get out of it, I get so anxious and depressed and just ugh. I don't even know what to do anymore. I used to want to travel the world. Now I can't even muster enough courage to travel across the street.

 
At 7:13 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

SAME HERE... I useta be VERY outgoing... ALL my friendz conceidered me the 'cool' one.. I loved to Camp, Party, Hang with friends, go to the clubs, dress up, dance, talk, drink and just have a GREAT time!!! I would spend HOURS picking out the 'right' outfit, fixing my hair and makeup..AND I enjoyed fixing myself up... NOW it is ALL totally opposite!!!! I DREAD the thought of even getting out of my sweats and house robe and throwing on just a pair of jeans and a T-shirt and BIG shades that I will not even take off until I get back home. Makeup is no way motivated to take the time to do that. EVEN if I go outside to check the mailbox I feel like the neighbors are looking at me and I look TERRIBLE...so I dont even want to go check the mailbox :( I LOVE to be 'cooped' up in the house...I have NO desire anymore whatso ever of going ANYWHERE...I shun my friends I use to be so tight with because I know they want to go out and do things and I dont!!! I would be GREAT with not ever having to go anywhere again, BUT it is my family that are always on to me about 'Getting out of the house' ...WHATS GOING ON WITH ME???

 
At 1:28 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I am tired of not wanting to go to work. I start stressing at night, thinking about the fact that once i fall asleep, that i will then have to wake up and go to work. I stay up late even though i know i need the sleep. Of course it is not just work, but work carries the dollar signs. I have to work really hard at forcing myself to leave the house for groceries or other things. I have turned to eating sweets. I have packed on a good 25 lbs since Dec. I have bi-polar, but to be honest, i don't think that is my problem. I could go on and on. It is just nice to know that i am not the only one that feels like this. It really sucks for all of us. We will find a way out though, we have to.

 
At 9:00 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I stumbled upon this site and seriously got weirded out because It was as though someone was writing about my life.... I don't want to leave my house. I lost my job a year ago. Recently I noticed the dread of having to do anything. My poor husband I stay home with my dogs and won't even get the mail or take trash out. I am bipolar but have always been a homebody I'm very outgoing and fun but have always enjoyed not having to go anywhere but loved getting out once in awhile. But these days it's ridiculous how lazy I am. Like another blogger wrote I will drag out getting dressed and by the time I'm done I talk myself out of going where I intended to. I'm bipolar but have successfully gotten off my meds because I feel it took life out of me. So now I don't know if this is an episode or the effect of having no job. I an 31 and worked full time since I was 18. But now I can't find the desire to do anything. I'm wasting my life away hate it but have no motivation to do anything. My husband is the complete opposite and I fear this is effecting my marriage.

 
At 10:06 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

OMG, I did not know there were so many people out there, that felt the same way. Like many here, I was social before, but I lost my job 6 years ago. I do not like to leave the house unless I am really forced to. I find reasons not to leave the house, I do everything else, just so I do not have to go out, and time runs out and it is time to go to bed. I am having financial difficulties, because the thought of leaving the house for an interview gives me anxiety. I am trying to get a job, that is out of my home(I even did a phone interview). If I have to go out for groceries, I shop for two-three weeks, doing all my shopping and errands in one day, knowing I will not go out again. If I need something from the store or need to pay bills, my husband does it. I have not discussed it with my doctor, I do not want to take meds. My husband tries to get me out of the house and says that I am starting to loose my social skills. Sometimes I lie to my friends and family and tell that I ran errands, but I have not, I do not want them to know. I have not left the house in 2 1/2 weeks and the time before, 2 months. I think I need therapy but I do not have the extra finances to do it. What is wrong with me?!

 
At 10:13 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Went to college graduated top of my class, got a license to run a health care facility in ohio. I was to be wed, I did everything for her and by the age of 26 I was pulling down 90k..in the past 6 mo. my fiance cheated on me and left, I was let go from my position and I moved back to the city to return to school in the hope of getting a new degree.(Im fighting) During this time I also lost my hair, she kept all my stuff including my pugs...I dont leave the house aside from going to class and I still havent found a job. I think it messed up that I have to go visit the family so I can see my sister's perfect life and great DPT job. I am beaten by life, I am broken. Felt it was only right to tell my side of this since my parents and close friends have lost meaning...they dont know what its like. I have given myself 30 days to get my shit together. 30 days I have purchased the biggest loser for kinect and Im eating right and Im gonna continue to do the social family BS. I have been on soo many diff. behavior meds, all failed, life just fucked me and there isnt any other way to look at it. If after 30 days I have not bouced back even a little, I am going to take my life. Perhaps being face to face with death this time will get my ass off the couch and if not, well then the world doesnt need another fat worthless guy. In 29 days I will repost, no more talk,the gun is loaded.

 
At 6:00 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I am so glad that I came across this site! I have found others that feel the exact same way as me! I use to be extremely social in my younger years. I am married with two children. It's not that I can't leave the house: I will when I absolutely have to (like work or events for the kids). But I abhor leaving the house. As I write this I need to go to the grocery store and I just want to cry thinking about it! I order a lot of stuff online, but live in a small town. So there is no grocery delivery here! My husband helps out some, but right now he is very busy with his work and can't. I don't know why I am like this or how to fix it. I wish I had some answers!

 
At 6:24 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

So does anyone know why, whats causing it. I'm perfectly happy at home, I dont want to see anyone, I make up excuses to people why I cant see them. I know its not right and at times I want to get out of the house I just cant bring myself to actually leave and I dread it if I have to. whats wrong with me. I have alot of stress but I think if i wasnt this way i'd be happier but i just dont find anything enjoyable anymore except sitting at home watching movies

 
At 8:44 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

This is to anonymous with the 'gun loaded'.
Thirty days may not be enough, but 31 may be. I know where you're coming from. I just re-mortgaged my house and used every penny I had to start a business and now I'm too freaked out to talk to potential clients. I've always had anxiety issues but the stress of owning a business has really pushed it to a new and scary level. I dread going to work and pray for bad weather ( I work outside) so I won't have to go. If this keeps up I will be bankrupt, alone and I will have lost everything I worked for.
Don't get me wrong, if push comes to shove, I'll take a long walk off a short plank myself, but you never know what tomorrow brings. Nothing lasts forever. The only thing constant is change, so whatever your predicament is, it WILL change. Try everything, anything. That includes that 31st day.
Take care buddy.

 
At 11:43 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

so many people like me , we are freaks stay inside ,who would want to see us anyway? im sorry but does it matter ,the world is horrible ,its better to be at home away from the madness.I KNOW IM EELING SORRY FOR MYSELF,i overthink everything,but i cant be bothered ,its to much effort

 
At 12:00 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Im sorry ,we are not freaks ,we've mostly being messed up badly.We have to keep trying,maybe set small goals for ourselves.I have friends that try to help me ,but i mostly shut them out.I dont want to have to explain myself and i get tired of making excuses.I know it can take huge effort to leave the house ,but it can be worth it.Plan something you would really like to do and try to do it.Break it down into small manageable steps.If we fail now it doesn't mean we fail forever.WE can always start over and TRY again.

 
At 4:07 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I have a friends wedding coming up, I mean like my only friends wedding and she asked me to be her matron of honor and I jumped at the opportunity because she was my maid of honor. I told her that I would come down and visit her this weekend and of course instead I am sitting in my apartment wondering how did I get to this level. I was excited about seeing her and then a day ago I didn't really feel excited anymore and now of course I have decided to stay home because my mind goes "it's raining you can't drive in the rain what if your tires aren't good enough, it's best you just stay where you are" not to mention my husband is going to be pissed. He has a night set up with the boys and of course il dont want to interfere with his night. I actually thought maybe I could just go park somewhere for like eight hours then come home. Like maybe somewhere in town. That just sounds sick now that I have typed it. I don't know what to do, I mean I am just as happy sitting in my apartment watching horrible horror movies by myself. You know those ones where the acting is so bad you just have to keep watching to see if it gets worse and of course it does! Well don't know what to do. Movie time.

 
At 12:53 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I've heard that this can be a sign of depression. I'm not sure whats going on, but I feel, that for me...its just a phase. I've always been a little bit of a "homebody". I love my home. But I'm a pretty socialable person as well. I still talk with my friends and see them and I do choose to go places still, but for the most part I just want to stay home. I'm completely content here most of the time. I'm not wanting to do everything that I usually do. I don't really feel depressed,so I don't really know whats going on. Maybe I'm just needing a break from "business as usual". Sometimes it just doesn't seem worth the effort to get ready and go some where.

 
At 8:16 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Im not usually one to talk about my down situation but seeing all the very recent posts i decided i could throw in why i stumbled on this website. im pretty much a shut in, everything and everyone around me depresses. i've recently started playing world of warcraft to help occupy my time inside but nothing helps really. my whole body hurts and sometimes the pain is overwhelming. i know this to shall pass for i had a bad run with anxiety and depression a couple years ago. i always seem to make the same mistakes and find myself in this hole. pray for the light. i am.

 
At 10:11 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I am bi-polar and i do not want to leave my house. I do not do anything but lay in the bed all day.

 
At 5:11 PM, Blogger Had to Comment said...

This is so Sad. I just invited 250 people that I know to my Birthday Party. So Obviously I dont share this problem.. However, I am concerned for my mother who just told me that she basically has to Psych herself up just to do just about anything. I love her very much and I worry about her. What do you all think this is that you are going through? I hope that those of you who really have an issue, godspeed in correcting it and best of luck to you.

 
At 5:19 AM, Blogger Mom and Pop Candle Shop said...

Wow!Dito to all of these above. Do you think that anyone here suffers from body dismophia syndrom? I love people, at this point in time, I can barely let my husband look at me because I think Im hideous and just yesterday cut my all my hair off. So short I have to wear a hat and there is not enough makeup in the world to discuise my aging process. I am only 38. Help! I don't feel sorry for myself, I want to leave my house and I will if I have to. It makes me shake and get sick with panic attacks at times. Other times Im fine. I hate pity and not looking for this. I just want to be better. I tell myself its all in my head. Regardless, Ive felt this way since I was very young. Something I have fought my whole life.

 
At 4:57 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

It nice to see all those who are with me in this same boat. The anxiety every day to leave the house is so unnerving. I have things to do, stuff to take care of. I procrastinate until its too late. I talk myself out of going out. I just dont want to talk to anyone, see anyone or deal with anyone. I hate being this way, and beat myself up daily. I am so pale from never getting sunshine. Overweight and out of shape. There has to be a way to get my life back. Oh! and here's the kicker. Once I do leave the house, I am overjoyed to be back on my way home. Like soooo peaceful and happy! Its crazy.

 
At 1:15 PM, Blogger redtop10 said...

I hear ya! I hate to leave the house too. I totally understand. Jean

 
At 9:57 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

i am the same the idea of leaving the house is unbearable, although i havnt helped myself with a drink problem i am on medication for depression and anxiety and drinking in public always gets me into trouble being kicked out of bars, making a fool out of myself in front of the locals etc so living with embarressment after is terrible i am seeing a councillor for the drinking i hate going to appointmets, to the shop and the idea of having to go to a party or seeing difficult family members is hell glad im not the only one to feel this way just want to feel like the old bubbly me again that would be bliss

 
At 6:01 AM, Anonymous lucy-lou said...

I have suffered from severe depression from the age of 13 and I am now 21, I had a job for two years until about 6 months ago, I had to leave because of having panic attacks everyday before and during work. I'm currently sitting in my boyfriends flat with our dog, he is out at a mutual friends house warming party, yesterday I was so excited about going and seeing all my friends, but when it came to this morning I just didn't want to leave the house, I just felt so ill. In the last year I have abandoned all of my own friends and only really see people if me and my boyfriend go out together (him forcing me to tag along with him) or if people come to his flat to see him. If I am around people I'm very social but I am just as happy just me on my own or just me and my boyfriend I still technically live at home with my parents but I will only leave the village where my boyfriend lives about once a week to see my family, its only 15mins away from my family home, but I just can't face it, everyone around me sees me as pathetic and useless I can't stand that look people give me when they realise I'm still not back at work, but they don't understand that if I stay at home I'm calm and happy but going out to work gives me crippling panic attacks, which make me so run down im constantly getting quite badly ill. most days I can't even bring myself to get dressed past the point of pjs and a house coat, not forgetting the blanket I'm always wrapped up in. It's really starting to cause problems in my relationship, through me having no money and him supporting me and the fact that we are together constantly.would really love Any positive comments from other people who have experienced this aswell, knowing other people have at some.point been as down and out as I am right now and have made it through the other side is very encouraging, or have any bits of advice apart from 'get on with it' its been 8 years now that depression and anxiety have ruled my life, I used to think I could see an end to these feelings but the light is no longer at the end of the tunnel, I have a wonderfully supportive family and a loving boyfriend, loads of friends that love me dearly but I just don't care anymore I don't want to go out to see anyone or do anything I just want to sleep.

 
At 7:14 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hi, I have been suffering like this for years and hate, really hate going anywhere,even a visit to my see my family. When I do go to visit all I can think of is getting back home..I just hate being outside my safe haven of these four walls. I have a husband who I love dearly and my little dog,but I hear about so many things going on in the world,child abuse,murders,rapes,wars,bombing,shootings stabbings,slaughter of innocent animals,pollution,global warming and my head is in a whirl,racing and I just want it to shut off.Some times I think that the world isnt a nice place to be anymore. All these horrific things going on and no one can stop it. Do these people not realise that the victims feel pain when commiting these horrible acts,and there families destroyed.. Oh my God,I really worry for my own Grandchildren and what the world will be like for their children.. I feel a rage building up inside me sometimes and just need to be totally alone as I can lose my temper easily and become a verbal monster. One day I can be sleepy and not want to do a thing or think about anything, but my mind races and I am quiet. Other days I can have a rage in my chest and want to run up the highest hill stand on the edge of forever on tip toe and scream the mother of all screams... I love being in my four walls, it is my safe haven and I can shut out all the evil going on in the world..I know I have depression, but I just wish I could be normal for one day,wake up and see the sun,and enjoy my life and stop worrying about the world and everyone in it...

 
At 4:30 AM, Anonymous jessicas said...

I have always been a bit of a homebody but at least I used to go out, travel, and I had real friends and a social life. Now I don't have any friends other than my hubby & people I see at work. I have 2 jobs both are very part time so I only work abt 12-15 hrs a week. My one job that I enjoyed more is over, boss is closing the biz. Well there goes a group of people that I liked. My other job I don't like them quite as much, so I don't talk to them too much. They are fixated on appearance and always question me about how busy I am or what my plans are. I think they are trying to run me off? My husband is the breadwinner and I am a housewife that works as a hobby, so I wish they would stop asking. I only work to get out and cover my car note and get some pocket money. I don't need lots of material things! I'm happy with simple. I have a simple but clean and comfy home almost paid for, w/ a cute yard and small pool. Can't have kids so that's another reason I need less $ than others. I wish I could work from home w/o causing suspicion of me doing something immoral lol. I'm thinking about giving up my job and finding something that gets me out of the house more hours a week. I just can't work at something very stressful b/c I get panic attacks. Also I used to be very pretty but lately I have put on about 5-10 lbs and I have acne and acne scars :( Sometimes I get a huge weeping zit (from picking at it) and I don't want to be seen or even go outside. I think I am subconciously picking at it on purpose. UGH FML why can't I just be pretty and social and have a better job.

 
At 12:42 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I have the same problem. Today, my pain dr called it agoraphobia. What ive noticed is that the more i go out, the easier it is. Ill go to my sisters house, which is only a couple blocks away, and it seems like a big deal. Then the next day she might ask me to go to the store, and its not as hard leaving the house. If i can make it out the3rd day, its much easier. But once i stop going out, its back to square1 pretty fast. Im aware of this and yet still i usually dont leave unless i really must, and even then ill do anything to avoid it, and rely on the help of others often. Baby steps are very important. I know it gets worse and worse the longer u avoid changing these habits, i dont wanna end up being stuck at home for years and totally codependant. Also i dont wanna ruin my daughter or have her grow up with a mom and a life that isnt healthy and "normal". Stay positive and strong, there is a lot of beauty outside. I think being surrounded by nature can help heal. Even sitting in your backyard can be a big step, and can be relaxing. Green trees, birds singing, the smell of flowers, and a lil sunshine can be very uplifting. Good luck, all. We are not alone!

 
At 4:40 AM, Blogger prettyparadoxal said...

its called sloth. coming from religious texts (even though i am far from religious) it does expolain what it is and how to help it if not cure it. i too have this ailment. i hate it. Its not a depression as i was told originally. its not agoraphobia which i was told as well. its plain out sloth... its much deeper than that mumbo jumbo your psych docs are saying. good luck to you guys. I also think there comes a time when we need to accept who we are, just as long as our lives are still intact. if you cant pay the bills because of it this is a much more serious problem rather than hey i am just a homebody and leave me alone lol

 
At 4:48 AM, Blogger prettyparadoxal said...

one thing to also mention. ive studied my own behavior for some time and some of my personal findings are . the causes of the anxiety to go out...for me are. 1 dont like conflict- im sick of everyones freaking drama all the time and ...everyone..has it in some weird way and its too much... 2 fear of rejection and or judgement..either i am afraid they will judge me for my looks or my behavior - cure to stop judging them in your head. remember you dont have a clue to what they are really thinking. you really arent as psychic as you think you are :) you cant think you know them. they are strangers and you may be reading them wrong and actually in turn judging them thinking they are mean or whatever. 3. laziness the more you lay around the more your body gets into the habit. it literally will physically hurt to move because your using muscles you havent in a while- cure- move them more- do tai chi-(free found on youtube or hulu) easy movements- dont hurt doesnt exhaust you.. 4 fear of being hurt- kind of goes with the first one. learn to safegaurd and trust yourself to be able to protect yourself- research this stuff people to find out more answers....or be content accept yourself as you are be a homebody and be ok with it stop and argue with those that say its bad crazy or wrong- but then you have to be ready for conflict lol. these are a few suggestions - peace yall

 
At 6:51 AM, Anonymous Cindy said...

I'm 53 y.o. female, divorced 2X, grown children, small grandchild. I can go to/from work and that's it. Store only when necessary. I like reading, watching t.v., sleeping, being left alone. Don't like to leave my house........ What's happening?

 
At 5:29 AM, Anonymous Totally alone said...

@BriarsHeart: I might as well have read your comment aloud, because I pretty much feel the same way. I don't want to go to work, and today I made up a lie to my boss so I didn't have to go. I haven't done anything but sit around my apartment all day... I didn't get this job that long ago, so if I keep this up, I'll probably lose it. And go figure, it's the highest paying one I've had since my career started 3 years ago. I hardly leave my house, I have no confidence in anything I do, and basically just feel like SHIT all the time. I have a loving boyfriend who I'm afraid will leave when he finally sees how screwed up I really am. And I'm not doing anything about it but sitting here crying.

 
At 5:29 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

@BriarsHeart: I might as well have read your comment aloud, because I pretty much feel the same way. I don't want to go to work, and today I made up a lie to my boss so I didn't have to go. I haven't done anything but sit around my apartment all day... I didn't get this job that long ago, so if I keep this up, I'll probably lose it. And go figure, it's the highest paying one I've had since my career started 3 years ago. I hardly leave my house, I have no confidence in anything I do, and basically just feel like SHIT all the time. I have a loving boyfriend who I'm afraid will leave when he finally sees how screwed up I really am. And I'm not doing anything about it but sitting here crying.

 
At 11:20 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

In reading each comment - I feel like I'm reading my own. What has happened? I loved my social life, friends, co-workers, even family events. Over the years I started finding reasons to stay home and loving it. Now I have no friends, or at least still pushing the ones away who are still interested. I am very happy at home with my projects, entertainment, internet, etc. Nice place to be. NOW, I start feeling hateful when plans come up with my spouse - "Sunday brunch with friends?" . . . In my mind . . . why bother, go eat too much, pay too much, and then back home to feel full, full, full.
Nah, I'd rather some eggs here, and read my NYTimes online. What has happend? I'm more concerened that I'm ok with this behavior than the behavior itself. Strange, I never feel loneliness when I'm lonely.

 
At 1:08 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I joined this group on behalf of my mother to study this. Myself I am very much an extrovert and have many circles of friends and am always doing something. Sometimes I have to force myself to stay home to take care of things around the house. But I manage. AS for my mom, I am very fearful that she is as the title of the group is concerned, Socially Lethargic. See my mother is depressed. She claims that she preffers to be at home where she is comfortable being sad, yet when she is there she is so completely down and dwells on the feelings there. This in my opinion is no good and does not help the problem. She is on medication which seems to work temporarirly whenever she goes through a bout of this. Her mother had Agoraphobia (sorry if I spelled this wrong). To me staying at home and dwelling on these negative feelings compounds/does not help the problem. Is this a board where there are some experts or is this a board where the populace is all people with this condition? Thank you.. And good luck to all of you.

 
At 8:29 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I am in the same boat. Although for me there is no anxiety about going out - I am just not interested. It is caused by the 31 years of severe depression that cannot be helped. Been through every medication and therapy known to man.. no luck at all. My house is filthy because I cannot clean. I can't get/hold a job. I am able to shower every 3/4 weeks. I reak. My teeth are rotten due to the tricyclic meds that i am on. The other 2 meds made me fat. I took up smoking as a hobby in order to get cancer but 5 years of that and no luck yet. I am too scared to off myself in a dramatic fashion. So i will continue this heavy smoking and hopefully soon I will see some signs of emphysema at the least. Hurry up, nature! Where is that cancer??

 
At 5:18 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Let's just accept ourselves for who we are. I like being home and alone. I think its okay.

 
At 11:23 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I don't like to leave my apartment either. I've been depressed and not enthused about anything. I feel like once hope is gone, theres nothing left. I always dreamed of moving away from this small tainted town i grew up in. 25 years old and i'm still stuck here, ready to claim bankruptcy and ruin my chances of ever getting my dream. I don't feel like i'm smart enough to go to college. If I don't get through the schooled or I don't end up getting a job, I will be forever in debt. Bankruptcy doesn't even clear those debts. I still don't even know what i want to go to college for. I am codependent. I have an interview in a few days but i probably won't even get the job and i'm already worried I won't do well, I'll make a fool of myself and I'll never want to show my face again. I feel like i'm ugly and never smart enough. I regret so many things in my life, its hard to think of a happy future. I tried being a good person and letting god in my life. As soon as I did things went down hill fast. Theres no hope left....

 
At 3:30 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm wondering if I'm becoming socially lethargic... I "stall" leaving the house for anything. I really don't like the phone much... and although I'm well-liked, I feel very self conscious... I will literally wakeup out of a deep sleep, upset that I mustve made a fool of myself, said the wrong thing, etc the day before. I make excused to not attend events thend feel guilty as hell. I hide behind my kids, using them as an excuse... I do ho out sometimes. Usually when I feel ive put someone off for too long and I always have fun when I go... after I get there. I do feel gross though and like people are judging me all the time. I hate this

 
At 3:30 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hi, I understand how you all are feeling and I feel that way too. I believe a lot of it is because of the economy. Thank God, I am so grateful I have a job but two of my neighbors got foreclosed on. One had all his belongings literally thrown into the street by the repo company. I think we all know and feel for a friend, neighbors or loved one who is struggling in this economy and it is sad. And I believe most of us on this site feel for others and their pain and this makes us want to stay inside. The fact is so many people are without job and gas and food prices have rises; making hard for so many. The last I want to do is go out of the house shopping or on social activities that cost money. One part is fear of the unknown future and another part is feeling guilty going out having a good time while others are dealt a bad hand. I feel more content to stay at home and just read, watch the news or work on my computer.
I truly believe that when the economy becomes bright again many of you will get your spirit back again. I know how you all feel and I hope we all together will all get our smiles back together. I do believe things will get better so keep that hope in your heart!

 
At 4:56 PM, Anonymous Ross said...

I know this is an old chat session, but Imust ask. DID ANY of you guys have a flu shot or another type of vaccination. My wife has gone identical to you guys after the flu injection. Many other rediculous side effects as well.

 
At 12:26 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

i only leave my house when i have to. about 3x a week. luckily i have therapy 2x and i try to get out on friday or saturday. i used do tons of things with friends. now i just have a hard time hanging out with people for very long. i never get bored at home. i read alot, cable, computer and my phone! i do talk to my friends alot. but i feel like my anxiety is getting worse. im really glad i found this blog!!!!

 
At 1:00 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

god, icant believe how cruel people can be, when they say negative things on this blog. i went thru an extreme traumatic situation with my x-boyfriend for 4yrs. its not an excuse but the PTSD i have from it- has left me feeling untrusting of new people. its like a some private detective if someone asks me out. i havent been in a relationship for a very long time now. i know that i get lonely, but the word"SAFE" always pops in my head. so maybe in time i'll go out more again. sometimes i think other people can see that im weird or bad cuz of my anxiety when i just go to the grocery store. can someone tell me if they ever feel this way. thank you for this blog!!!!!!!! now i know none of us are alone.

 
At 12:53 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hi , I used to be very outgoing and funny but i suffer recently from eating disorders , it didnt cause me much trouble in my social life before but recently i've gained lots of weight and i hate going out of my house , the problem is that i'm 17 and i live with my family and i go to school , so all of my friends keep calling me to hang out and i just make excuses , but my family think im depressed but im not , but if someone was talking me into leaving the house i would just be angry and start crying , nobody knows about my eating disorder because i know they won't understand me as it is not very common where i live but now im terrified at the thought of going out if not to school and my family and friends won't just leave me alone and my mother won't talk to me like before and she cries after each time she talks to me and it kinda make me depressed even now the only things that make me sad now , either my weight or if anyone tells me to go out , im very sick and tired that death now seems alot easier if i could just kill myself i would do it , but then it will be hell in life , and afterlife , im so tired of all this and nobody even know .

 
At 2:43 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I am an extroverted person, and have gotten off course because of my friendly nature. I can look back over my life and see how people took advantage of my generosity. But, I must say I was happier back then. Now, I just cook, clean, do yardwork, chores. And help my elderly Dad. I need a life of my own. I do not trust people anymore. Within a span of a short time, my husband got downsized from his long term career. We had two small children at the time. I gave up going to nursing school to go work third shift, 60 hours. A big mistake. My husband's family kept us tied up with lawyers for two years because they did not like the contents of their father's will. It was a very hard time in our lives. Then my long lost mother came back into my life, on her way to the hospital, found out she is schizophrenic. As I said, all these things happened, bam, bam, bam. I worked myself way too hard and ended up with an anxiety problem. Life has not been the same. Tragedy has struck my family, my son died. Now, I just live day to day and have pretty much just given myself over to destiny. I don't feel right about it, I should have some ambition. I think I took too many hits in too short a time. I do stay busy and am generous with my time to my Dad. But the joy of life is long gone. One obstacle after another. But one thing I know after all this disappointment, is you have to survive. There are people whose lives would be affected if you do not survive. I have been in the pits of depression, but if you hang on and try, things can get better.

 
At 11:35 AM, Blogger Cinnamongirl63 said...

Geez how old is this site and how old are the posts? Well I can definitely relate to these posts. My job located 35 miles away sent us home to work about 3 years ago. So that is strike 1. While nice regarding gas money and sleep time, it effects things like weight gain and not taking care of yourself. Then 2 months ago I broke my right arm and I really sank into depression. Ive packed on a ton of weight, I do not go anywhere and if I do, its at night or off hours. I have no social life and my real only friends are work related, my daughters (teenage), mom or a few others that I dont do anything with cause of distance or whatnot. Hoping I can summon the strength to lose this weight, the winter months and broken arm really SUCK. I do feel depressed and took myself off antidepressants a few years ago because I felt awful. It is something I need to work through myself.. I hope "anonymous" with the gun is okay... Jan 2013

 
At 11:58 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I am 57 now and for 10 years I do not leave my home unless food,mail,doctors and even then I don't want to go out.I even had a gf and she always asked me to go out to eat and with her friends and I would not go.I am not sure why and at times feel so lonely as well.At my age I am sure I will never meet anyone or have a girl friend again.I have been insecure about being around people and again I don't know why.I like people just don't go around them anymore.My home is slowly starting to fall apart and I have not wanted anyone over to even fix things as well.I am wondering why I am the way I am and what is wrong with me.It gets so lonely as some of you can relate too as tv and internet can only work for so long then I get bored.

 
At 1:59 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

My problem is I feel I don't have friends and don't get how to make any. So what is the point in going any where?

 
At 8:11 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I TOTALLY feel exactly the same way. I come to work and go to my family's house once a week but there is NOTHING i would rather do than be home, alone with my dogs. I go home for lunch everyday and it's so hard to come back to work. I don't want to be anywhere but home and alone. I don't answer my door, I don't answer my phone tho i will text or be on social media. I go out with boys sometimes and it's always a struggle to get "up" for it even if i end up having a good time there are few things....ok no things that i'd rather do than just be home with my dogs eating or drinking or watching tv or all three.

 
At 3:24 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

April 12, 2013
I like this blog. I think its cool we can all interact in such a way. I dont want to disclose my name but I am 20 years of age turning 21 in a few weeks. Mum wants to throw me a birthday party with a lot of friends and relatives but thats the last thing i want. I do not like attention. I dont even really like to see people. I avoid my friends ALL the time that i think they have given up. You cant say theyre not good friends for giving up on me, because they dont even know my problem. I would never open up like this to friends because I am fully self conscious of peoples thoughts. I LOVE staying at home and doing my own thing like being on my mobile,laptop, watching t.v. It sounds really bad but in the eyes of society but I feel that if im happy in doing this then there shall be nobody with objections, they have no right. Im constantly arguing with my mother about this stuff and shes a health freak so it makes it ten times worse if not better. I know what I need to do (exercise, find a job, socialise, eat fruits) but anxiety is a real bitch. It does not let you do any of those! I try and try but i am not consistent. I cannot finish anything I start because everything overwhelmes me and then i overthink. I have been on 10mg antidepressants for a couple weeks now and its not working so well anymore, not sure why? A huge reason i dont like to leave the house or even interact with others in my house is because i sufferfrom hypohydrosis (sweaty hands and feet). Totally inconvenient thing to have especially when you know you should be conversing with people to help yourself out. Guys shake handsand it is terrifying to have sweaty hands all the time, even while sleeping. Im trying to feel humble about it though and i loved reading everyones thoughts and feelings. One of the keys isto be content with whatever you are doing. I am not waiting for the day that I get out there and start life bla bla bla I am waiting for the day that I stop caring about what people think. When i am content with who I am and what I do, then comes my next step in life. Thankyou to anybody who read this. It is a beautiful thing to know youre not alone, and taking your life is not worth it although i have contemplated i know i will never do it. The world has so much to offer. Its all about perspective, change the way you look at things. Much love. Peace

 
At 10:40 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I am going through the same thing word for word except I worked In a club .now I find myself not even wanting to leave my room.and the same feelings you have when people knock I pretend I'm not home and get nervous when I have to open the door.once gone through a lot of major things but I was ok until now and have no clue why I'm this bad now I hope you find your answers also

 
At 1:31 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

You need 2 talk 2 someone. Take one day at a time. Also you are not going 2 lose weight u will just get bigger. And that is not good 4 u. Whhlen u dont like something wrong looks, weight etc. U are the only one that can change it. Good luck

 
At 6:48 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I wish I knew some of you in real life.

I think the cause of this problem at least for me comes from not being able to fully understand what it is..not knowing how to help myself really scares me. Is it depression? Anxiety? Is this all in my head? Is this just my personality? Am I just lazy and scared to grow up? I don't know...it leaves me feeling weird and broken. I just want to be happy. I hate the idea that I am wasting my life.

I'm 20 years old and in college. I've always been a very introverted person but never like this..it used to feel more like a personality trait but lately it really feels like a serious problem. I have no friends. I have driven everyone away..I just ignore all their efforts until they give up. For me, I think my horrible self esteem is what really attributes to this problem. Now it has gotten to the point where I stop leaving my house for weeks. It used to be that I only left for work and class. Then I quit my job because I was miserable (I worked with people and was constantly anxious) and then I only left my house for school. But some days I would get ready for class and then just feel bad about myself and get back in bed and talk myself out of going so I started taking my classes online.

That is when this problem got really bad. I have no reason to leave my house anymore so I don't.. I feel safe when I'm in my home but as soon as I step outside my heart starts racing and if I'm in a social setting I get extremely anxious I literally get hot and I can't think or function properly. I feel like people are always looking at me and when they talk to me I feel like because I am young they talk to me like I'm stupid. I take everything really personally..if a stranger is rude to me I will obsess over it for hours and over think situations and drive myself insane and I know they are irrelevant but I can't help it.

I am extremely fortunate that I have wonderful parents however they don't take things like mental illnesses seriously so I will never bring this up to them. I just want to say that I read all of these comments and I want to thank the person who made this post because I have never opened up about this issue I kind of just convinced myself that I am making this all up and it feels nice to know that I'm not crazy. The only advice I have to offer anyone who is going through the same thing is to stop worrying that you aren't doing things right, stop driving yourself crazy or making yourself believe that something is wrong with you. Make a conscious effort to go outside even if its just to your back yard. Don't do things that make you unhappy or uncomfortable..be selfish and focus on your happiness right now. I really hope we can all get past this.

xx.

 
At 11:39 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hi, to the 20 yr old, really you do need to start getting out into the world, you are too young to be stuck inside. Soon you will be middle aged and youth will be over. Im not sure why you feel you have a low self esteem but you are just as good as anyone else!! I hope you start making an effort to get out more.
xo

 
At 10:37 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

It is something else to read everyone's experiences and feel like I'm reading my own. This is so hard. Today (Sunday) is my birthday, and I haven't seen or spoken to a soul since leaving work on Friday. Much of that was my own choosing. Objectively, there is nothing to celebrate this year. Just nothing. I used to have so much going for me, and now, years have gone by where I haven't put myself fully into anything I'm working on, and I've avoided all my friends (I used to have many). I guess I alienated them. I even alienated my mom. She was supposed to come to my apt today but decided not to; she seemed put off by my glum attitude. My initial reaction was relief: oh thank god, now I don't have to listen to her talk or pretend to smile or sit at some boring restaurant with nothing to talk about, waiting for each other to chew down some overpriced meal.....I just.....I stopped seeing the point. Whatever it is that drives people to get out of bed, to share pictures on facebook, to plan parties, etc. - it's like I'm missing that bone. And you know what? If I disappear from my friends' and family's lives - which I already have, in effect - the close friends will be sad but they'll march on, finding new friends, making new memories, filling up their lives with this or that. I look at other people's lives and marvel at how they can get it together to do so many things. More than that, what I marvel at is that people go around and do activities (not including sitting in the house, or the bed, like i am right now) because it makes them happy. They derive joy from that stuff. To me, the thought of a sunset on a beach, with that yummy smell, does seem appealing. But I would never have the initiative to get myself there. Most other things, though, don't seem appealing. Such as going to bars with friends (I live in NYC) or going on blind dates (although I do want a boyfriend, on some level). Speaking of romance, do you ever fear that moment when you've found someone really good, and you could tkae the next step, but you're just not sure? Like, what if there's someone else out there?

Excuse my rambling. If you did manage to read down that wall of text, I commend you and thank you for taking the time. I would love to hear your input. Thank you.

 
At 12:06 PM, Anonymous Your Not Alone said...

we all stumbled here after akin felt the same. i doupt many will get this far, i was read aristotle and plato when i was a child.. no god ever existed, i drive myself insane all the time on wild thoughts. even now i pretend im writing poetry not a sentence. anyways i now after years of torture in school am socially lethargic, and would rather be lost in a video game...

 
At 4:50 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I surely wish the time stamp included a date. It is 1/17/14 today and the original sentiment from 2006 still reigns true. I just don't want to leave my house. I ENJOY being at home...so very much. I can easily let days slip by. But I've learned to accept it and enjoy every solitary moment!! Try taking a Jeung, Myers Briggs test. Distinct introverts should not beat themselves up for wanting our (needed) downtime!!

 
At 7:39 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Today is April 6, 2014 and I am glad I found this blog so I don't feel so alone in my current situation. Although I was always a loner, I previously enjoyed social events, concerts, the theatre, going to dinner with people, etc. Occasionally I would blow off an event for which I had made plans, bought tickets, confirmed reservations because work got in the way, I was too tired, felt ill, or another valid reason. In the last five years or so, I find myself making plans (sometimes with cost incurred) and then not showing up not so much because I had a reason (sickness, car trouble, etc.) but because I simply would rather sit home -- yet I convinced myself that I was not going because indeed I was not well or was too tired. This scenario expanded to me not wanting to go out of the house for a walk on nice days. I still go to work and meet obligations, but other than that I am a hermit. Well, hermits are okay (some saints have been hermits) but this change in living style has bothered me. I feel as if I am hiding away as if I am scared to leave the comfort and security of my home. Moreover, I tell myself that I probably would not enjoy myself anyway. Now I find myself feeling less control of my life inside my house (waste time surfing the Net instead of doing more productive things) so I am looking at ways to end this period of self-imposed sloth. Yes, things have been tough economically and personally these last few years and I have experienced depression, but I don't think I need medication but rather some heavy-duty personal and spiritual analysis to overcome this seemingly sudden urge to disconnect from the world at large. I hope everyone on this forum finds peace with their situation or the strength to change it.

 
At 7:24 AM, Blogger lea perrins said...

I googled the 'not wanting to leave the house' thing as I thought it was just me!
I honestly didn't realise how many people had this too.
I have always suffered from depression. When my depression gets bad, so does my inability to leave the house. I haven't left the house in five weeks now.
I will go weeks and weeks, even on lovely sunny days. The guilt eats me up and makes me feel worse.
I have just started to get anxious about leaving which is not something I experienced before. I just never wanted to leave and felt that I couldn't cope with people previously. I feel that awful dread when I know I have to go out for something - it's definitely getting worse.
I personally think there are those people who are depressed and don't want to go out and those that face anxiety around going out.
I also think that the more action we take, the easier something becomes or the less we do something the harder it becomes. Therefore, staying in is only setting yourself up to fail and setting a cycle. If you want to break this pattern of behaviour then you are going to have to dedicate time and patience to it. And most importantly take that first step to going out. Does going out in the dark help anyone? Or just avoiding crowded places? Start going for quiet walks before tackling other places. Sunglasses can help. There are natural herbal calming supplements like valerian that do not have the addictive qualities of benzo's.
Also, some very useful anxiety/motivation/depression/sleep/addiction exercises/hypnosis sessions can be found for free on youtube.
We have programmed most of our behaviour and we CAN reprogramme ourselves more positively. IT IS POSSIBLE. I think understanding how the mind works is a real insight and start into undoing all the negative patterns.
Many people find that tai chi (energy healing)helps with overall health. There is more and more scientific evidence to prove that this energy exists. It is widely accepted in the east but we really struggle to get our heads round it here. I think its worth looking into.
I just wanted to share this with the people here - I do wonder if this will help anyone?
I am facing the ultimate tomorrow as I have to go out and this will be the first time in 5 weeks!! I have an exercise that I found for helping with the anxiety should I feel it and I have 'programmed' in a calm response mechanism should I need it.
Good luck with anyone trying to combat their own mind. We put ourselves through so much pain don't we?

 
At 2:56 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I hate leaving the house.....I like staying home watching TV ...but I have to go to the store and doctor dentist and I hate it. I like talking on the phone but that's it.I enjoy being alone.I have been married in an abusive relationship. I retired and I am financially fine. What's wrong with me.....I hate going outside I have someone that takes care my yard..I order clothes I hate shopping I get enough groceries last a month

 
At 8:44 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Today is June 10th, 2014. I'm 26. I relate to everyone on here on some way. I'm an artist yet still have to work regular job. However, I just lost that job because I couldn't wake up to go. Now I have the extreme pressure to make my passion a career. To prove everyone they were wrong about me. My sleeping schedule is awful. Severe insomnia.. I stay up all night and it's the loneliest feeling. I have no girlfriend as she completely broke my heart nearly 7 months ago. I shut friends out. I'm living at home with my mom because I can't hold a job to pay my own bills. I'm ashamed, feel useless, like I'm in a prison everyday though I'm "free" but my mind doesn't allow me to be free. My family thinks I'm lazy and I guess I am. "Just work a regular job like the rest of us." But I can't. I'd rather take my own life than to settle for What society thinks I should be. It's torture.

I have a show this Friday.. I have no energy or will to leave my room, yet I have to perform in front of people. And that actually doesn't bother me, I love it. But getting close to people and letting them in, i feel they'll think I'm crazy.

I haven't showered in 2 days and even brushing my teeth feels like a chore. Every move. I'm exhausted even when I don't leave the house. I have no money. I want to sleep until I die. I wish I would die in my sleep.

I'm on anti depressants and was in therapy over a year ago. Somehow I always get back here.

Is it my environment? Past heartbreak? Low self esteem? Lack of support? Lack of will power? Laziness? Lost dreams that are unrealistic?

How do I get out of this awful trap of a life I've made for myself? How are other people I see so happy and I'm lying and making excuses as to why I can't socialize.

Good luck everyone. I'm gonna keep trying myself.

 
At 5:10 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Good luck to us all

 

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